This week a friend asked me an unexpected question…she said, “how are you doing? I’m worried about you.” In a moment of vulnerability and honesty I responded with… “thank you for asking. I’m worried about me too.” Ok, that was me paraphrasing what I said. To be completely transparent I described it as “I feel like there is a freight train coming at me and I can’t get out of the way.”
Let me start by saying I’m okay. I will be okay. I am just a bit overstretched in more ways than I care to admit. If you ask anyone that has known me I have always juggled it all. I’ve found a way to make it work and do all the things. At this point in my life I am struggling to find that balance and meet the expectations of others and of myself. Acknowledging that fact is a work in progress for me as I’ve always taken pride in “doing all the things” and felt like a failure when I couldn’t.
We continued the conversation as I described incidents I have experienced over the last few months which I believe may be mini panic attacks or something along those lines. I talked about the anxiety I have felt concerning Aidan since the death of Reagan and how I’ve managed that over the years. I talked about the newly developed (over the pandemic) work-related anxiety and how I have never had anxiety over anything but my family before now. We discussed trying to take space to reflect and focus before I take something on to help limit the emotionally charged interactions. I shared a few small moments that occurred recently which have turned in to major turning points for me and changed how I manage my life. I shared details about the lessons I learned from those little big moments and how I am working everyday to apply those lessons.
I am thankful for these stressors. I am learning how to be a better human because of them. I am learning how to be more vulnerable. How to find a better balance. How to communicate better. I am learning to be more open with myself and others. Without these experiences I would not be learning, adapting, and growing. So while I am struggling with some of these things I am also thankful.
As I reflected on this surprise check in I realized how much I needed someone to check on me and how much others probably need the same. So to that friend, thank you. From the bottom of my heart you have made a difference in my life and I am thankful to have you looking out for me. To others that need a friend to be vulnerable with, I am here.
Hang in there friends, life is hard so make sure to lean on each other and be brave enough to be vulnerable and speak your truth with honesty and humility.
Until next time,
Maggie
P.S. Mom and Dad I know you will read this and worry. I get it, I would and do worry about my kids too. But rest easy, because I’m just fine. ♥️
youaremyfightsong 